Don’t be swallowed by the voices in your mind

“Tell my servant that I am indeed the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.” (Qur’an 15:49)

There are days when faith feels like a candle at the edge of its wick, the wax is at its final drips, and you just brace yourself for the darkness. A darkness that comes like a rogue wave out at sea but you tell yourself it is in the darkest of nights that the stars shine the most bright. But what of the days when the moon even turns away, what about when the sky becomes nothing but a black blanket of sorrow. When the pain inside is clawing at your throat and your stomach feels like a cage for butterflies with wings made of razor-blades that attack your final pieces of peace. Where do I look now? This pain is too sharp to admit to, this pain is real but I am embarrassed before God to complain, the voice inside my head is an automatic rifle that shoots thoughts like grenades into my chest "just smile it away, pretend it away, don't be so ungrateful, don't be so negative, why are you so weak, there are kids dying in the Middle East, there are hungry children in Africa, you don't have the right to feel, you are so thankless, you are so arrogant, you are so worthless..."

These voices in my head steal every ounce of confidence inside of me. I feel like all that I am is the dirt that I am made of, what more can there be when I have lost the ability to love myself...This is when a voice says, "I did not create you for heaven or for hell, I created you to overcome yourself, and to find Me reflected underneath! I never created you to silently weep, to hide your pain from Me, when I see every burden that you carry, every secret heart break, every shattered dream, every lonely night, every mask of smiles, I see the tears you keep for those dark nights where the world is a sleep, I don't sleep, I have been here since before I said Be. My creation, I already know your pain, any attempt to hide it is in vain for I love you too much to forget about you even if you forget My Name. For My Breathe swims through you, I am closer than your veins and blood, don't ever say you are not good enough because I don't make mistakes even if you doubt Me and lose faith I never walk away from you. So come back, come back and tell me of your pains, tell me of your sorrows, tell me of your regrets and your fears for tomorrow. Come to Me. Ask of Me. I am waiting, I have always been waiting to hear you, to embrace you, to show you My Love. You are permitted to feel, however small or big do not do this alone I am waiting to forgive, when I am here to give you all that exists. Do not isolate yourself, do not put yourself in a prison of guilt, My Love is greater than any mistake you could ever make. My plans for you are greater than any mistake you could ever make. Come to me. Return to me. I already know every feeling, I already know every thought, and I still love you because My Love is not dependent on you so nothing you do can extinguish this love that I carry for you. Come back to Me, come back, come back and ask of me, come back, and experience the infinite Mercy that I have.